Gart Ofrink

“Can I tell you a secret?” Pat couldn’t stay still, it seemed like her legs and hands were living their own lives, moving in all directions independently.
“Sure…” Luke said, unsure.
“Okay, so, remember mom and dad invited guests to their party this weekend?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, one woman, I forgot her name, with fluffy brown hair and red lips, she was complaining about how her puppy ate all the furniture in the house…”
“I don’t remember”
“It doesn’t matter. So she said if the puppy continues doing it she will give him away!”
“Oh… So, you want a furniture-eating puppy?”
“NO! Well, yes, of course I do, but it’s not the point!”
“Oh… So, what’s the point?”
“The point is that the woman came with the bag and when she left she forgot her bag here. And I took it to my room and opened it and…”
“Are you crazy? Why would you take somebody’s bag? It’s like stealing!”
“I didn’t steal it!” Do you want to know what’s in the bag or not?!”
“Okay! What’s in it?”
“Here!” a large ring appeared in Pat’s tiny hand.
Luke took the ring and started inspecting it. The ring was heavy and looked very old, with strange symbols on it’s round head.
“Put it on!” Pat cried impatiently.
Luke cautiously put the ring on his finger.
“Woah! No way! Is this for real?!” Luke’s eyes were wide open, looking at something right in front of him.
“You see him? You see him!” Pat was pulling luke’s sleeve.
“You bet I see him!” Who the hell is he? Oh, shoot, he sees me too!” the frightened boy quickly removed the ring from his finger, “Phew, that’s crazy!”
“I know!... I think you should talk to him!”
“Why would I talk to him? Hmm… I’ll talk to him!” and Luke put his ring back on.

In front of him there was a middle aged man, unshaven, untidy, a little bald and rather short. He was standing there, his arms crossed on his chest, staring straight into Luke’s face.
“Who are you?” Luke asked.
“I am Gart Ofrink” the man answered with a heavy eastern european accent.
“Gart Ofrink?”
“Nono. GuarD of rink. On your finger! RinG!”
“Oh, you are the guard of the ring?” Luke finally understood.
“Yes! I am Gart of Rink!”
“Nice to meet you, I guess… I am Luke. And this is Pat”.
“Helo Look. Helo Pat. She don’t hear me. Nice to meet!”
“And what are you doing here?” Luke asked.
“I am here because of Ring! Where Ring, there I am”
“Uh, and why are you wearing my dad’s shirt?”
“Nu, he has many shirts! One more, one less, big deal!”
“Okay…”
“What is he saying? What is he saying?” Pat kept pulling Luke’s sleeve.
“You talk to him!” Luke pulled off the ring and gave it to Pat. “This is nuts!”
Pat put on the ring.
“Hello, the Guard of the Ring!” she said smiling with reverence. “Can you make wishes come true?”
“Nono, no wishes. I am just regular Guart of Rink. Wishes no.”
“Ice cream? Can you make ice cream for us?”
“I said NO WISHES! I want ice cream too, you know. You have? In refrigerator maybe?”
“Let me check!” Pat ran to the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” Luke followed her, “What does he want?”
“He wants ice cream!”
Pat got a jar from a freezer, put some in a cup and handed it to the stranger.
“Spoon have? You want that I eat with fingers?”
“Oh sorry”, Pat got him a spoon.
“Ice cream not bad! I like!”
Luke was staring at a floating cup and a floating spoon scooping ice cream, his mouth wide open, “Wow, he is like an invisible man!”
“You are right, Luke! Do you want to talk to him more?”
“Yeah, sure”, Luke put on the ring and saw the man resurfacing around the cup and a spoon.
“So… you are living here, at our place?”
“Nu now yes.” The man was too busy cleaning up the ice cream from the cup.
“And… where do you sleep?”
“On couch! In your living room I sleep”
“And … you eat?”
“Yes, I eat! I poo! I pee! I shower!”
“Eh… how?!”
“Nu, in bathroom, how. How we all shower - in bathroom! I wait when nobody home and shower. Or I watch TV. Law and Order I like.”
“Okay… and how long?”
“Five episodes I watched!”
“I mean, how long are you going to live with us?”
“Nu, who knows? Where ring, there I am”

Somebody rang the doorbell.
“I wonder who this is” Pat approached the door, “Parents are still at work…”
She looked through the peephole.
“Luke, Luke!” she whispered, “It’s THAT lady!! She probably came for the ring!”
Luke who was still wearing the ring noticed how the man’s face changed. He looked very disturbed.
“No, no, nonono! Not her! Don’t give her ring, PLEASE!” the man begged.
“Hmm, okay..” Luke took off the ring and hid it in his pocket.
Pat opened the door.
“Hello?”
“Oh, hi kids, sorry, forgot your names”, the woman looked around intently. “I was at your parents’ party this weekend…”
“Yes…?”
“Have you seen a bag, by any chance? I might have left it by the door or in your closet, it’s a bag with a small package inside…”
“No, I don’t think so”, Pat lied.
“You sure? I … Do you mind if I take a look?”
“Sure, go ahead!”
The lady rushed to the closet and managed to fully disappear inside. The kids could hear her heavy breathing. Soon coats and shoes flew out of the closet and they heard the woman cursing. She finally showed up, her face red with agitation.
“So, you sure you didn’t see the bag?” she squinted her eyes at the kids. “Because if you did see it…” her face changed and became really scary. “You don’t want to mess with me kids, understood?” A few seconds passed which seemed like an eternity. The woman sighed and moved toward the exit. “Have a wonderful day, kids” and she slammed the door behind her.

The kids sighed with relief.
“What a crazy woman! And look at the mess she’s made!” Pat started gathering coats and shoes and putting them back in the closet.
Luke put his ring back on his finger. The man was standing there, shaking as if he just saw a ghost.
“Thank you much!” he said sincerely. “I owe you much! I can clean shoes” and he rushed to help Pat. To her it seemed like the shoes started floating into the closet by themselves.
“Oh, thank you, Mr Ofrink!”
“Guart Of Rink!” he corrected but the girl couldn’t hear him - she didn’t have the ring on.
“Why are you so terrified of this woman?” Luke asked.
“Oh, bad woman, very bad. She make me clean, cook and do other things for her. She hide food if I don’t do what she want. Bad woman!”
“What is he saying? What is he saying?” Pat kept asking, pulling Luke by the sleeve of his shirt.
“He is saying she was forcing him to do things for her in exchange for food” Luke explained.
“Oh, you think puppy eat furniture?! Ha!” the man continued.
“What?! You ate her furniture?!”
“Sometimes… When very hungry. Leather sofa is food, made from cow!”
“Gee…” Luke didn’t know what to say, “Are you … would you like something to eat?”
“Nono. I eat good here. Refrigerator not locked. Mama good cook. I eat when nobody in kitchen.”
“Come on, Luke, what is he saying, what is he saying?” Pat couldn’t take it anymore - being excluded from the conversation, and suddenly she had a brilliant idea. “Luke, Luke! the ring is big, we can put both of our pinkies in it and talk to Mr. Ofrink together!”
It worked like magic. The kids were sitting on the sofa, their pinkies inside the ring, while the Guard of the Ring stretched comfortably on a reclining arm chair usually occupied by their father. The man was telling the children the fascinating story of his life.

“...Tsar was very strict man. Everything have to be done his way. If not, no head. I see so many heads cut and roll under table. Was scary. But food so good! Caviar red, caviar black, roasted rabbits, ducks. I was very fat and happy with Tsar. And he happy with me. But then no tsar. Revolution! All jewelry go to museum. My ring too, on display “Tsar’s Ring”
Was bad time for me in museum. Very bad time. No food in museum! I take food from guards when they don’t watch. Nobody know about me, nobody put ring on finger.”
“Why couldn’t you go somewhere?”
“I already told you! Where ring, there I am! Can’t go. I am guard of ring!”
“Nu… Museum bad”, the man continued, “I lost my fat. Was like skeleton. So hungry. But!” the man’s face livened up. “But! Many mouses in museum! I make traps and eat mouses. Better than furniture!”
“Eeewww” Pat grimaced with disgust.
“Museum was long, very long. Many many many years. I wanted to die from boredom and hunger. But then rich man, Oligarch Zhukovsky buy all tsar jewelry from museum, put ring on his finger and see me! Ohohoho, was so scared poor man, so scared! He give me good food, lot of good food, caviar red, caviar black, roasted rabbits, ducks, yummy! I made fat again!” the man patted his belly. “Good man, Oligarch Zhukovsky, funny man. Loved womans and food. Showed me to friends. To many friends. But some friends not friends! Some friends are KGB!
KGB arrest Zhukovsky and use me to spy on citizens. I listen what people say and tell KGB. Bad job. Don’t like. Food okay, no caviar but okay…”
“And then what?”
“Nu, then I go to America! KGB take secret agent, give him ring and me and we go to America, to spy on people. Same job, but in English. They teach me English good before America. I understand all, but speak not so much. No need to speak, only listen need.
Then Americans catch secret agent and put him in prison. They sell ring on flea market. Bad lady buys ring, bad woman who came earlier. Very bad, make me clean, cook and do other things for food. I am not slave! Thank you much that you don’t give her ring!”
“Of course!”
“You must be… old..” Luke said, thoughtfully.
“No, I don’t get old. I am same all time”
“Were you ever a child?” Pat asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t remember from where I am. I remember that Tsar tell me that there was black magician who made ring and made me guard of ring…”
“Black magician?”
“Nu, not black, he white man but does black magic. I don’t remember....”

Everybody sat in a silence.
“Uh… Mr Ofrink… What happens when you put the ring on your finger?” Pat asked.
“What you mean?” the man seemed confused. “How I put ring on my finger? I am guard of ring!”
“You mean... “, Pat persisted, “You NEVER tried to put the ring on your finger?”
“Why I put ring on my finger? WHY?!” the man seemed to get angry. “Stupid idea!”
“But … why not, Mr. Ofrink. What’s going to happen? Aren’t you curious?”
“Why not you ask?! Why not?! What if I drop dead?! Here is why!”
“Why would you drop dead?”
“I don’t know!” The man screamed and got up, agitated. “What, you want to kill me? Call bad woman, she kill me!”
“I didn’t mean to offend you, Mr. Ofrink…”
“GUARD OF RING!”
“Right… Sorry… It’s just … what if something GOOD happens?”
The man stood there, at a loss. “I lived long life. Maybe time to die… Nu! Give me ring!”
Pat took the ring off her and Luke’s pinkies. The man immediately disappeared. The girl held out on her palm. She felt the invisible man’s hand picking it up. For a while the ring was hovering in the air. Suddenly the man appeared before the kids, the ring on his finger.

“Hmm.. Fits okay, little small”, the man was saying to himself looking at his hand. “And I still live!”
“You see! You ARE alive!” Pat cheered.
“What? You can see me?! You can hear me?!” the man looked at the kids with astonishment. “How can it be… Oooooh” his face suddenly got white. It looked like he was about to faint.
The children helped him to sit down.
“What happened? Are you okay?”
“I remember…” the man whispered, his gaze was blurry with tears in his eyes. “I remember now”
“What? What do you remember?”
“Alena. I remember Alena. We love each other. Long long ago, before Tsar. She love me so much. She don’t want to share me with people. She want me to herself. She has ring and puts it on her finger when she wants me… and takes off her ring nobody can see me… One day Alena break my heart. Life no good. I drink too much vodka, I forget everything…
But how did it all start?
Oooh. Wait a minute! I remember more… Ring on MY finger. I put it on my finger before! When I was … Black magician… I AM BLACK MAGICIAN! I master immortality, I master invisibility, I make this ring myself! It is MY Ring! I make it myself, for Alena!”
The man dropped his head on his knees and started crying.
“Why are you crying?” Pat asked him gently.
“I think I am guard of ring, for hundred years I think this garbage! I think I have to be where ring is, for hundred years I go after ring! I spend half life in stupid museum. I eat mouses and I eat leather furniture and I do things for food, like slave. And all this time I forget it is my ring, I made it myself! Yes, I cry! Why I punish myself so much?! WHY?” the man was shaking from crying.
“It sucks…” Luke said “Anything we can do?”
“Nu… Maybe give me hug?”
The children hugged the man.
“But now… now you can go anywhere?”
“I can … I CAN GO! YES! I CAN GO ANYWHERE! Ring on my finger, I can go anywhere! I like!”
The man got up and moved towards the hall. “This is good. I like”, he kept repeating to himself.
“You can use our dad’s shoes” Pat said.
“Thank you much. Your father has many shoes, one more, one less, big deal. Thank you much.”
He put on a pair of shoes.
“I go?”
The kids sighed.
“Good luck, Mr. Ofrink!” Pat said.
“Guard of …” he was about to correct her. “Wait a minute. I have name! My name is… Volya is my name! Call me Volya!”
“Good bye, Volya, and good luck!”
“Thank you much, children! Thank you much” He was about to leave, but then he remembered something.
“I have present for you!” Volya took the ring and removed it from his finger. He was still there in his flesh!
“You didn’t disappear?” Luke asked, surprised.
“Of course not!” I can appear when I want and I can disappear when I want, I am the black magician who mastered invisibility and immortality!” the man laughed. “You keep this ring as present!”
“Thank you, Mr. Volya!” Pat squished the ring in her palm.
“Thank you, Volya!” Luke added.
“Good bye children! Do svidania!” and the man walked away with a gait of someone who just found his freedom, who just found himself.